it's been ages since i've written anything here. people have asked me to continue writing. And i think i will.

It's definitely been a tiresome and gruelling journey for me,these couple of months. But as i write these notes, i feel rejuvenated beyond anything. As I was just spending time in God's presence( although sometimes, i don't know if He's there), i stumbled upon 2 verses in Psalms.

Psalms 8 talks about asking God for child-like faith. Do you know how difficult it is to attain that?Try putting yourself in a child's shoes- not knowing what tomorrow brings, not knowing what's going to be your next step....can you do it?. I've realised that being 21 comes with the urge to necessity to know everything that's gg to happen to you. "LEAD ME, I LAY ME DOWN" say it. only when you've really given up this urge, this need, will the barrier be brought down. i'm not gg to say it's easy, but after reading this, i've surrender everything to God. My supp, My skin, My new journey....it all becomes, His supp, His Skin, His journey with me. I'm not worried. I'm in peace


then comes
Psalms 11.this chapter highlights God's unwavering hand over [any]panic. You really have to give up[ not life, but your knowledge] and let God take control. "In the Lord, I take refuge"...as the verses move on, the psalmist talks about God observing men, and examining them. In v5, he mentions "The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates"....don't get it? According to a reference, God doesn't just preserve the believers from difficult circumstances but he test both the righteous and wicked. He's talking about me. Sometimes i'd wonder and ask God, WHY ME?....or as my mother would say "Why my baby Lord?Has she not been for you all her life?"....it hurts me when she says that. not in an- i hate you-kind hurt, but don't-cry-mummy-kinda hurt.

For some, my journey would have killed them. mentally, spiritually. A BFF of mine once told me, she wonders where i get the strength to move on? honestly, if u've seen me, i look like spots on a leopard...where i get the strength to do the things i need to, do wear sleeveless and shorts?....when i look at my old pictures[ the prettier audrey],i'd cry...and hit myself in the heart. Hate myself for a couple of seconds. Blame ME for this "curse"....


......... silent.



then...

someone tapping on the door of my heart.

" May I come in?"


"Anytime God, you're always welcome here:)"

as God walks into my life [again, after such a long while], i' m assured, I KNOW FOR SURE, that It won't be before long, that i'll see The works He's set out for me.



His everlasting Love was always there. I had to open my heart and my eyes BIGGER..... HOSANNA!

<3