I was just reading through this old journal of mine. you could really be lost,thanks to the "legible"handwriting. Really- this journal lasted me 2 years, from sec2-sec4. I still remembered it because it was during my very awkward moments in life- u know when you’re trying almost everything…no no.. not the drugs or alcohol. But the other stuff..like BGR blah blah…and I was reading it, looking through all the old notes..
I found myself sometimes rather contradictory. There will be times where I said one thing and then another, within a few pages?!...i guess I was naïve at that time. Didn’t how or what to feel during those “romantic” moments. I was sharing these moments w my bff-ruthie and we were really laughing our heads off. It was really hilarious…
There was one post though that really stood out
“…..if I had to choose, I would choose God. It was easy yet difficult. Easier said than done. But if it had to be done, then so be it…..i have always said I needed someone Christian in my relationships/life- but I don’t know if I will get it?. I still remembered what mummy vision- that I won’t get hitched..blah blah…then I’d remain single. Singlehood. Interesting……”
And I was thinking, at some point, it’s true. I am living the singlehood aspect of that entry, now. NOW. And Lucy looked at me with that “omg, is it really coming true??” look. And then we just laugh it off. But what if.......
I think I have really grown up. I mean I am more confident of who I am.confident of my own feelings and what i want and need in my life. i guess being 18 has def changed my perspective in life compared to a 15 or 16 year old. My future decided- not by me- but by God. Because I know I am His will. He’s the BIGGEST stand anyone has ever made for me. I know it’s hard when I see nearly all my bff together/in a relationship with the “almost” right person. It just makes me wonder whether I am really up for a life by myself.
You can; you’re never alone. I am here.
Some things are meant to be kept secrets. Period.
***for those who know, I still have e fuzzies when he calls. Hahah. and that's a secret.
